Bullying is bad enough when it’s done by a peer, but what do you do if the bully is your superior? How do you tell the difference between a demanding boss and a bully, and when should you go to HR? Kathi Elster and Katherine Crowley, bestselling authors of Working With You is Killing Me, and Working For You Isn’t Working for Me, weigh in on these tough questions, in video blog format. (more…)

On the surface, organizations are about making money, delivering goods and services, and producing results. Scratch the surface of any organization, though, and you uncover a hotbed of emotions: people feeling anxious about performance, angry with co-workers, and misunderstood by management. Leaders are burnt out and workers are buried in resentment. Because many organizations call for unemotional behavior, individual feelings are often suppressed. Workers think their only options are to suck it up or quit.

People want to be productive and happy at work, but instead feel emotionally trapped. We have all had experiences with co-workers who drive us crazy. We get drawn into their personal problems, bad work habits, and irritating behaviors.

These situations drain our souls and harm our organizations, because the strength of an organization is in its employees. When there are problems in the workplace, it will affect the bottom line sooner or later.

What are some of the outcomes or consequences of unhealthy relationships at work?

• Employees don’t enjoy going to work

• People feel overwhelmed or disrespected on the job

• Tardiness, absenteeism, sick leave

• Reduced productivity or work quality

• Mental replay of conversations or interactions; inability to “get over it”

• Fatigue, illness, exhaustion

• Headaches, tension, stress

While handling workplace conflict is a multifaceted process, the first step you should take when you become frustrated – BEFORE you address the other person – is to calm down physically.

It’s a fact that when you are angry or upset, physical activity can often help you calm down and see the situation more objectively. It doesn’t have to be a 30-minute run – any type of physical movement can help you relax and think. Taking a physical break can often defuse your frustration and put you in a better position to think about the situation.

As an example, think about a time when you attended a meeting and something was said that upset you. What was your response? Did you become angry and then “check out” mentally? That’s a coping mechanism, but not one that offers you control. Deep breathing to calm yourself and release a little anger can help you check back into the meeting and respond objectively. Some other ideas for helping you physically calm down before dealing with a workplace conflict: 

• Deep breathing

• Walk the hallway

• Step outside and enjoy the weather

• Splash cold water on your face

• Count to ten

Once you have gained control of your body and mind, you can more clearly think about the conflict situation and how to address your concerns with the other person.

Excerpted from the Leader’s Guide to the video program Working With You is Killing Me.

Training Resource: Working With You is Killing Me offers practical advice on how to “unhook” from emotional traps at work and save yourself from needless stress.

By Sarah Steele
If I say the word CHANGE, how do you feel? Most people remain fearful, anxious and uncomfortable with change, despite it being a driving issue in our society. It appears that no matter how much experience we have it doesn’t get any easier.

Gaining a level of understanding that allows you to be productive, creative and flexible with your own life as well as helping others handle change is key to succeeding in today’s ever-changing world.

Follow these 10 steps to help you cope with the transitions in your life:

1. Recognize that things DO change
Nothing is forever. Neither the good, nor the bad. You will be much less frustrated if you accept the change and decide to manage it, rather than desperately try and cling onto the way things used to be.

2. Pinpoint the specific change you are going through
Because any change has a number of implications in different areas of our lives, we tend to generalize the change we are going through. Stay focused on one aspect of the change by identifying what you are most afraid of losing as a result of this change and then understanding why that loss is uncomfortable. For example, a new computer system may mean you will no longer feel competent. Feeling incompetent is a very different issue than fighting new technology, and can be easily addressed with training.

3. Accept the loss factor
Admit to yourself that regardless of whether or not you experience this particular change as good or bad, there will be a sense of loss. This is the “better the devil you know scenario” that leads us to put up with a situation we know isn’t good for us. Clearly define the change and recognize the areas of your life that will not change as a result.

4. Seek valid information
You will doubt the facts and struggle to believe anything you hear, see or feel about the change. Write down what information you need to know and who can provide you with that data. Ask straight questions, remain open to views that may be different to your own and listen to what you are being told.

5. Take action
Now that you have information, kick-start some forward momentum by taking both physical and mental action. Focus on taking the first baby step by setting priorities, committing to someone else what you will achieve and by when, and exercise (even if it’s only a 15 minute walk each day).

6. Recognize the Danger Zone
There comes a point where we choose to move on with the change and discover the opportunities it brings, or to give in to the fear of the unknown and remain fearful, anxious and in denial. Recognize that this normal, and don’t allow yourself to succumb. Increasing your small, regular action steps will help you keep that forward momentum going.

7. Make a decision
All the information you gathered may seem overwhelming. To avoid analysis paralysis set yourself a deadline for making a decision and do whatever it takes – even if you resort to flipping a coin! The secret to this is to break big decisions down into small, bite-sized chunks and work on one at a time. This way, decisions are easily reversible.

8. Identify the benefits
All change has some benefits. A divorce can give us the opportunity to have control of the remote, a new job could teach us new skills and starting your own business can provide you with the chance to follow your passion. Understand what the benefits of the change are and recognize them for the great gifts they bring you.

9. Change? What change?
I promise there will come a time when you stop looking at the change as something different. You will have integrated its challenges and victories into your life and will now feel more stable and open to what the future may hold. Remember everything you have learned for the next exciting, exhilarating and, oh ok, scary change.

10. Identify a change partner
Change is a constant in today’s society that you will go through many times in many different situations. Finding a change partner who is committed to encouraging you and supporting you will make the whole experience less scary and probably speedier. This may be a coach who can remain dispassionate, hold the mirror up to your fears and hold onto your highest goals. Or it might be a colleague at work who can help you see both sides of a situation.

Sarah Steele is founder of Atlantic Coaching, www.atlantic.coaching.com.
Article source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sarah_Steele

Training Resource: Taking Charge of Change
A rookie skydiver serves as a metaphor in this action-packed video, which helps people of all ages adapt to big changes – and thrive.