When someone says something hurtful, whether to us or to someone else, it’s easy to retreat into ourselves.  After all, much of the popular self-help wisdom out there advises us that it’s a sign of maturity to let hurtful statements roll off our backs.

When we see another person subjected to stereotypical comments or prejudice, we might think it’s up to them to respond.  How can we know what hurts or offends anyone else – and who are we to step in to defend someone?

Yet prejudicial, stereotypical statements are painful, whether they’re directed at us or at another individual or a group we don’t belong to.  We all react in some way. (more…)

You’ve just heard someone say something insensitive. Perhaps it was about an ethnic group, or members of a particular religion, or maybe men versus women.

As far as you can tell, no one else seems to be bothered by what was said, but you’re feeling uncomfortable. Does it really matter?  And if so, is there anything you can do about it?

Difficult moments like these are hard to deal with. We tend not to know what to do.  We don’t want to start a fight; these are people we work with every day.  And we don’t want to be seen as too sensitive, uptight, or politically correct. So what can you do? (more…)

The first time we meet someone, they’re a stranger.

No matter how that meeting takes place – an introduction from a friend or co-worker, at our favorite neighborhood coffee shop, or by chance at a party – that person is a stranger to us.

(We’re also strangers to them, which is something we tend to forget.)

Human beings are wired to fit things into categories, and in general that’s a good thing.  Just think how difficult it would be if we couldn’t lump similar items together into groups – “houses” or “cars” – but instead had to keep a separate space in our brains and vocabularies to remember and describe each item individually.

However, value judgments tend to get lumped into those categories along with the items. (more…)

Respect isn’t one single big thing.

It’s not a task on our to-do list that we can check off at the end of the day.

And it’s certainly not the same as political correctness (which, ironically, can often lead us to say and do things that are almost as painful as the politically incorrect, stereotyping statements we’re trying to avoid).

Respect is the glue that holds us together in groups.  It’s all the small things that add up, day by day, week by week, year by year, to build relationships … or break them down. (more…)

Most people think of appreciation in terms of recognizing special achievement.  When a team meets a goal, when an individual goes above and beyond to make a difference – these are things we typically feel worthy of acknowledgment and reward.

It’s obvious that achievements should be celebrated.  Yet there are many day-to-day opportunities to recognize the unique value that we all bring to every situation we’re in.  And it’s those ongoing day-to-day acknowledgements that bring teams together, foster collaboration, and create sustainable success that everyone in the organization can feel proud of. (more…)

Have participants list the names of five people they don’t know well in the organization. Based on what they DO know about each of them, ask participants to write what they think each person’s unique background might be and what that perspective might bring to the table if they worked together on a hypothetical project. (more…)

Disagreement is not something to be avoided; a definite advantage in diverse workforces is, in fact, diversity of opinions and perspectives. Yet discussions that include disagreement require a bit of extra care. If not respectfully managed, these conversations can easily create tensions that become non-productive and have effects far past the initiating conversation.

(more…)

20 Ways to Build a Kinder Workplace

by Tom Terez

It’s not always easy being nice. There are deadlines to meet, conflicts to settle, resources to share, promotions to snag — all of which can pit people against each other. What to do? Here are 20 practical ideas. If you believe that workplaces work better when people get along, scan this list and start living it. (more…)

How you perceive your employees impacts their willingness to help you succeed as a leader

There is an easier way and a harder way to get results as a leader. The easy way is where you have a team of people around you who want to help you achieve results, even in difficult circumstances. The hard way is to push and demand results from your team. Because they don’t want to see you succeed, they find a way of only doing the bare minimum to get you off their back.

So what makes employees want to help their boss succeed? Part of the answer lies in whether the boss treats them like people or like objects. (more…)