Who out there knows everything?”  (Recognize that I didn’t ask, “Who thinks they know everything?”) No human knows everything. None of us has had ALL experiences. All of us have incomplete knowledge when it comes to our world and the people and ideas in our world. All of us are missing some data—a lot of data relative to the universe of data. And if that’s the case, (that we lack sufficient knowledge in many areas and subjects of which we have little experience), do you suppose we could be wrong every once in a while, maybe even more than every once in a while? I think you know the answer to that question.

What might increase our chances of being correct? The short answer is having more knowledge and data, and specifically more knowledge and data from diverse sources (think diverse perspectives). Therein lies the power of diversity and the power of diverse groups. A problem, and especially a complex one, has a greater chance of being solved when one has many different perspectives gathered to try to solve the problem. It’s a simple matter of mathematical probability. The probability of finding a solution is increased when the number of potential solutions increases, and the number of potential solutions is greater as the number of “lenses” and different ways of thinking increases.

The logic is straightforward. Ideas are the result of experiences and the birthplace of solutions (i.e., innovations). The more experiences one has individually and collectively, the greater the probability of discovering a solution. And it’s not just having many diverse individual experiences — that’s helpful. It’s having many diverse collective experiences. That’s powerful! 

Staying in our comfort zones and only hanging out with people just like us contributes very little to building a diverse set of experiences and perspectives. It is self- and group- reinforcing behavior, and is a huge barrier to greater creativity and innovation.

Here’s how it works. We tend to gravitate toward people and ideas that are similar to our own. We find it very comfortable to surround ourselves with folks who think like us, act like us, look like us and who generally share the same values and beliefs. These folks are our buddies. Besides being a great support group, our buddies serve as a sounding board for us. They listen to what we have to say and the vast majority of time, they agree with us, especially on important “values”-type issues. We need people like this because they help us to navigate our world with some level of confidence. They serve as protective walls that shield us from weird and funny sounding ideas. 

However, walls can be seen not only as things that protect, but as things that imprison. Unfortunately, our buddies also serve to insulate us from ideas that, at times, we need to hear and critically entertain in order to solve problems and discover critical solutions. They prevent us from hearing and seeing alternatives to our current reality – alternatives that can only come from “outside” perspectives and sets of experiences different than our own. Within the comfortable “walls of sameness,” we are unable to recognize or even see the crucial perspectives and data that could lead us to different possibilities and solutions.

From the perspective of Systems Theory, the “walls of sameness” — if we are unwilling to venture out — create a closed system. Closed systems go into entropy – an eventual spiraling to death because they perpetually lose energy without taking in new energy.  When it comes to organizations, ideas can be thought of energy (especially in the idea and knowledge economy in which we currently live). Within closed organizational systems, new ideas are never introduced and the organization eventually dies out, giving way to dynamic organizations that are creative and can innovate (i.e., embrace different ideas in order to problem solve better). Intentionally or unintentionally creating homogeneity (sameness) is a big mistake for any organization or company that seeks to be more creative and innovative.

About the Author: Dr. Steve Robbins wears many hats as a highly sought-after national resource on issues of diversity, inclusion and cultural competence. He presents at numerous conferences and workshops across the nation inspiring people with moving stories, humorous anecdotes and powerful insight into human behavior.  He is the author of the book, What If? Short Stories to Spark Diversity Dialogue.  

Recommended Training Resource:  The brand-new video training program, Inclusion Insights, features Dr. Robbins who simultaneously challenges and motivates individuals and organizations to be more open-minded, mindful and intentional about inclusion and valuing people for their unique gifts, abilities and experiences.

Check the list below to see how you are doing at using your social intelligence to become an effective team member at work.

 1. I don’t mind taking suggestions from others.

2. I prefer to work with others instead of on my own.

3. I pay attention to my teammates’ feelings and empathize when they’re upset.

4. I am more cooperative than competitive.

5. I effectively present my ideas and am able to influence others.

6. I accept and give feedback well.

7. I enjoy working with people who are different than me.

8. I pay full attention when I’m listening.

9. I compliment people for their accomplishments.

10. I trust other people and believe that others work as hard as I do.

If you can say that you do these ten items almost always, you already have well-honed social intelligence skills.

If instead, you look at this list and think “sometimes” or “never” for most of these items, you might want to spend some time on your social skills, such as empathy, listening, showing concern, and being “attuned” to others’ feelings. For areas in the list where you feel you are lacking, make a list of specific behaviors that you could improve. For example, if you do a poor job complimenting people for their accomplishments, you may want to set a goal for yourself to: Personally acknowledge my co-workers’ good work during our team meetings.

Recommended Training Resource: Team Building. This insightful video program focuses on the team player as the cornerstone of a productive and successful team: it depicts 4 team player styles, and shows how team players can complement, challenge, inspire, and adapt to one another to achieve new performance heights.

“Never judge a book by its cover.” Although an often quoted sentiment and a noble goal, most of us ignore this sensible advice. In reality, we humans tend to be judgmental creatures who constantly evaluate each other on the basis of seemingly superficial details such as facial expressions, manners, vocal quality, clothing, and more. But here’s some good news about this tendency to judge: it’s not your fault! In a recent study, Princeton University psychology professor Alex Todorov found that people respond intuitively to faces so rapidly that the reasoning mind has no time to react. “It appears that we are hard-wired to draw these inferences in a fast, unreflective way,” Todorov explains.

Todorov’s findings don’t come as a big surprise to me. I repeatedly tell my clients—much to their dismay—that they are always being judged and that success in the workplace requires becoming self-aware about how you come across to others. Does this self-awareness include the first thing on a Monday morning when you slink into the office and head to the coffee pot? Absolutely! Your office mates are clicking off judgments about you from the moment you walk in the door. If you come in with a scowl on your face, be assured that they are going to register your unhappiness. Consequently, it’s never too late to make a bad impression, even on someone who already knows and likes you. Most people, however, incorrectly think that being judged is something that only happens during job interviews or performance reviews.

While it’s important to know that you are always being judged, it’s equally critical to examine the flip side and notice when you are drawing conclusions about others which may or may not be based on fact. One of my coaching clients recently told me a story that reinforces the importance of paying attention to your judgments of others.

This particular client is a real extrovert who has no problem schmoozing with her peers. However, there was one co-worker at her new job she steered clear of. During the first few days she was at the company, unlike everyone else, he didn’t go out his way to talk to her. In fact, she found him unresponsive to her attempts to get to know him. She not only concluded that he disliked her, but that he was snubbing her because he felt superior. Many months later, during a three-day company retreat, she learned that he suffered from a difficult stuttering problem. Her original snap judgment had been completely off-base. It wasn’t that he disliked her or that he had a superiority complex—he was simply uncomfortable about his speech disorder and avoided talking with people he didn’t know, for fear they would look down on him for his stutter. After the retreat, they ended up teaming together on a project where his insights and professional knowledge proved to be a huge asset.

Whether a positive impression or a negative one, our intuitive conclusions about others often prove to be wrong. Being overly trustful of a person you’ve just met can be as dangerous as making snap negative assumptions. Taking time to reflect before drawing quick conclusions about others will help you build more compassionate and reality-based relationships, both in and out of the office.

So the next time you encounter someone new in the workplace, use the following tips for considering the bigger picture:

1.Pause, breathe, and take your emotional temperature. You might be judging the person negatively due to your own stress level or anxiety.

2.Ask yourself if the judgment stems from your own emotional baggage. For example, does this person remind you of someone from your past that you liked or disliked?

3.Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and take a moment to think about how the world might look from their perspective—what circumstances, emotions, or stresses might they be dealing with?

4.Think about how you might be coming across to them. What snap judgments might they have made about you based on your actions and appearance?

5.When hiring, remember that both negative and positive snap judgments start the moment you pick up the candidate’s resume. Be aware that your own biases about race, education, gender, or demographics might make you pass over an otherwise well qualified candidate or take a shine to someone for an entirely unfounded reason.

About the Author: For more than a decade Peggy Klaus has provided communication and leadership training programs, keynotes, and executive coaching at leading corporations and organizations worldwide. She is the author of 2 books ( BRAG! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It and The Hard Truth About Soft Skills). www.peggyklaus.com

Training Resource: OUCH! That Sterotype Hurts. In a unique and powerful way, this program shows viewers the impact of stereotypical comments, explores why people remain silent in the face of biased behaviors and gives techniques to speak up and say “Ouch! That Hurts.”

Anyone with decision-making authority needs relevant, timely, and accurate information that can be acted upon – the right information at the right time.   

But how do you identify the measurements that matter most? According to the Data Warehousing Institute*, an effective measure should:

• Monitor critical business processes or activities…by using metrics of business performance that trigger alerts when potential problems arise.

• Analyze the root cause of problems that surface…by exploring relevant and timely information from multiple perspectives at various levels of detail.

• Effectively manage people and processes…by improving decisions, optimizing performance, and steering the organization (or department) in the right direction.

Brainstorm with your team potential organizational/team/performance measurements that meet these standards. Be sure to discuss how important each is to the success of the organization (or department) and then cull the list down to 5-7 important indicators.

For these indicators, break into smaller groups and have each group complete the following for 1-2 of the indicators:

• What specific information needs to be gathered? By whom?
• How will it be gathered?
• Where will it come from?
• How often can it be gathered?
• How often should it be shared/communicated?
• Who should communicate the information and with whom should it be shared?
• Are there any obstacles to gathering or using this information?

*Study referenced in Performance Dashboards: Measuring, Monitoring, and Managing Your Business by Wayne W. Eckerson, Wiley (2005), page 27.

Excerpted from the Leader’s Guide to the video program The Dashboard. ©2006 Franklin Covey.

Training Resource:  When searching for ways to measure effectiveness and build success, today’s organizations have access to vast amounts of data. The Dashboard will teach your staff what information is truly meaningful, and how to get it quickly in the hands of those who can act on it.

Making assumptions is bad, right? The standard answer is ‘yes,’ because most of us have had those moments when we made a decision based on a certain assumption, and then discovered the decision turned out to be wrong because our assumption was wrong. Not good. And to make matters worse, the person pointing out our mistaken assumption probably also felt the need to become a linguist and write out “assume” as a three syllable word on a nearby white board. (Unfortunately, we know the punch line to that one.)

As leaders, it’s considered bad practice to take business matters for granted. We know that when someone is called out for making a bad assumption, he or she is being accused of not asking critical questions to get important information in service of the organization’s goals.   

But are all assumptions bad? In other words, to prevent more unsolicited linguistic lessons on how to break down the word “assume,” should we question everything we encounter and take nothing for granted?

Consider this example.
A few years ago during a morning car-pool commute with a colleague, I was drinking a cup of coffee from a drive-thru. I never actually saw the coffee itself because it was in a paper cup with a lid on it. As I’ve done hundreds times before (actually, perhaps thousands), I drank the cup dry, but this time my last sip contained some coffee grounds. I don’t particularly enjoy the taste of coffee grounds, so I was vocal in letting my colleague know what had just happened.

“That’s what you get for assuming the coffee was fine,” he said with that certain smugness of a person who doesn’t drink coffee.

Of course, that’s not the response I was looking for. My initial, unvocalized retort was a “Yeah, I should have poured the coffee into a clear beaker and checked for sediments and then have run a toxicology test.” Instead, I kept my mouth shut and drove on. After all, I had done what any reasonable person would do: I observed nothing out of the ordinary in the coffee place (as usual, it was clean and the server was courteous), and the cup and lid looked pristine.  Nothing appeared wrong, so I assumed everything was okay. 

As we drove on, I continued pondering these matters about making assumptions. I noticed that my colleague wasn’t concerned at all when I drove through green-light intersections without slowing down to make absolutely sure that the cross-traffic would not run their red lights and crash into us. We approached the intersections, saw nothing was amiss, and drove through with the relative confidence that our assumptions about the way people obey the traffic laws were valid.

It struck me that if we didn’t make hundreds of assumptions a day about navigating through our everyday world, we’d be stopping at all green light events and never get anywhere.

In light of the sheer volume of things we need to accomplish in a given day, making assumptions can be useful. At a fundamental level, almost all of our assumptions work almost all of the time. 

Unfortunately, since we make so many correct assumptions every day based on “nothing seems wrong,” it’s easy to get into the habit of not asking probing questions when we should—especially when our business goals seem to be cruising along on auto-pilot. In those cases when a project seems to be going well, during a meeting we might ask, “Does anyone have any problems or concerns?” Quite often—and for a variety of reasons— the answer will be a “no,” and we’ll move on because we’ve reinforced an assumption that since nothing was wrong then everything must be okay. 

But then comes the kicker a few days, weeks, or even months later: A serious problem within the project, seemingly out of the blue, but painfully obvious in hindsight, blindsides us. And then we get into some “what ifs” that come down to “If only I had asked the right questions back then.” 

In the case of an organizational initiative where nothing is overtly wrong, one way we  leaders can challenge our assumptions is to ask questions like: “Is there any chance people are reluctant to say what’s really going on?”  Or, “do I encourage the people on my team to challenge things they have doubts about?”.  Depending on the answers, we may need to create a safe atmosphere where assumptions are identified and, if need be, tested.

So, to get back to the issue of whether or not people are correct when they spell “assume” as a three-syllable word, we’ve got to think about the consequences of the assumptions we’re making.  When is it time to see that nothing is wrong and move on through the intersection, and when is it time to see that nothing is wrong and slow down and ask questions? It’s okay to get a sip of coffee grounds every 6 months or so, but it’s not okay to let your team fail.

Training Resource: The Abilene Paradox. Instead of assuming everyone is on-board with a decision, leaders must make it safe for people to speak up if they think the team is headed in the wrong direction. This all-time bestseller drives home a powerful message about the importance of getting everyone’s honest opinion.

by Tom Terez

It’s not always easy being nice. There are deadlines to meet, conflicts to settle, resources to share, promotions to snag — all of which can pit people against each other. What to do? Here are 20 practical ideas. If you believe that workplaces work better when people get along, scan this list and start living it.

1. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. There’s no substitute for authentic communication.

2. Be less inclined to give advice — and more inclined to seek it.

3. Resist the urge to jump to conclusions about people and their motives. Go to the source, get the facts, and then decide.

4. Identify the biggest redeeming quality of that person who’s always driving you crazy. Keep it in mind the next time the two of you interact.

5. When greeting a colleague, skip the mindless how-ya-doin’. Ask a question that shows genuine interest.

6. Go out of your way to say thank you. Sincere appreciation is powerful stuff — it’s feedback, recognition, and respect all wrapped in one.

7. If you’re overdue in showing gratitude, make up for lost time. Contact everyone who’s owed thanks from you, and let them know how much you appreciate their help.

8. When credit and compliments come your way, spread them around to all who helped. And if you think you’re solely responsible for that honored achievement, think again.

9. Promise only what you can deliver. If what you deliver falls short, explain why.

10. When things go wrong, resist the urge to assign blame. It’s the system that usually fails, so fix the system, not the people.

11. Widen your social circle. If you always go to lunch with the same group, invite someone new.

12. Give a gift for no reason. If you work with nature lovers, order some plants or flowers. If the group has a chronic sweet tooth, get a few candy dishes and keep them full.

13. When a rumor reaches your ear, let it go out the other.

14. Step down from the treadmill of daily tasks and have an inefficient chat with a colleague. If it’s someone you rarely engage in conversation, all the better.

15. Show interest in someone else’s interests. Okay, maybe you’re not dying to hear about Pat’s passion for stamp collecting, but Pat will be thrilled you asked.

16. When you take a stand and later realize it’s the wrong stand, be honest enough to say so.

17. Involve more people in weighing options and making decisions. There’s incredible brainpower all around you, so why not put it to work?

18. If you tend to send e-mails to colleagues who are an easy walk away, give the computer a rest. Get up, walk over, and have a no-tech conversation.

19. Try going a whole day without making judgments about people. Good luck — it’s tough!

20. Don’t wait for kindness to come your way. Gandhi had it right: We must be the change we wish to see in the world.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Tom Terez is a speaker, workshop leader, and author of 22 Keys to Creating a Meaningful Workplace. His Web site, http://betterworkplacenow.com/, is filled with tools for building a great work environment. Write to Tom@BetterWorkplaceNow.com or call 614-571-9529.

Copyright © 2002 by Tom Terez Workplace Solutions Inc.

Training Resource:  Start Right, Stay Right: Orientation Basics walks new hires through a set of 24 behaviors – including including Show Appreciation, Give and Earn Respect, Be Considerate, and Contribute to Others’ Success – that are guaranteed to lead to success on the job.

We have become so accustomed to the pressures of today’s world that we barely notice when the heat is turned up. Our stress levels rise when we experience negative emotions and are unable to cope with the challenges of our environment. While the damaging effects of stress are well-known, it’s surprising to realize that many people don’t recognize that they are experiencing negative emotions. If you don’t know what emotion you’re feeling, you don’t have the information you need to decide whether to stay in that emotion or change or transform it.

Jane’s Story:

Jane (not her real name), one of my EI workshop participants, worked in a technical field. It seemed far-fetched to Jane that emotions and emotional intelligence could be important to performance. The concept that emotions played no role in her work was reinforced by both the company culture and the extremely objective, rational nature of her profession. This impression also carried over into her personal life. When we had our goal-setting interview before the workshop, Jane told me that she didn’t notice emotions and emotions played no role in her work. She also told me that her colleagues were difficult to work with. Disconnected from her emotions, Jane didn’t see the emotional impact she had on others. Additionally, her boss perceived Jane as causing all her problems. He felt the difficulties Jane was having were due to her distant behavior and lack of emotional self-awareness and insensitivity to others.

During and after our first training session, Jane started practicing techniques to help her become more aware of her emotions. Jane shared with me that she finally recognized that she did have emotions and those emotions, the negative ones, were negatively affecting her relationships both at work and at home. She realized that distancing herself made her peers feel that she was unapproachable. Jane confided in her boss about her revelation. Before this discussion, Jane’s boss had no idea that she was clueless about her behavior and its impact on others. This understanding shed a new light on what was going on and, with this different perspective, the boss became more willing to listen to Jane and support her.

Jane’s story is not uncommon. Many of us lack an awareness of our feelings and how those feelings may be affecting our work and our relationships. There seems to be a cultural predisposition to disregard emotions and focus on getting the work done, especially in technical roles. What we don’t realize is that disregarding emotion is detrimental to effectiveness and productivity.

Without the awareness of the importance of emotions, we do not have insight into how our responses to negative feelings are affecting us and those around us. Negative emotions, on a personal level, spark a cascade of 1400 biochemical events, some of which result in physiological changes such as increased heart rate, adrenaline, blood pressure and cortisol (the stress hormone). This negatively affects your physical energy, mental clarity, and personal effectiveness. Experiencing these negative emotions, can cause us to become defensive, short with people and sometimes angry. And when others observe this response, we can loose their valuable suggestions, insight and help as they start avoiding us.

Even when people recognize the importance of emotions, they may have a hesitancy or personal anxiety toward openly advocating for developing EI skills. Some of my workshop participants have reported significant benefits from using the EI techniques I teach, yet, particularly in a technical field such as Engineering, are hesitant to promote an EI program for others. While there certainly is a bell-shaped curve of those who do or don’t make a choice to benefit from the development of EI skills, not providing the opportunity is an opportunity lost for everybody.

What Can You Do?

Start by listing typical work or home situations in which you feel negative emotions such as frustration, anxiety, fear, sadness or anger. For example, you may feel frustrated when you attend a particular group meeting. Or you may feel angry when people from another department don’t follow-through with their commitments. Or you may feel anxiety when your boss shortens a deadline on a project. Or you may feel depressed knowing that you’re going to have to work late every night this week. Identifying these situations helps you realize those events that trigger negative emotions.

Next, pay attention to and name the emotions the identified triggers evoke. Also recognize and name the positive emotions you experience during fun times such as playing with a puppy, sharing dinner with friends, or just sitting in the sunshine. Start developing an emotional vocabulary and expand upon it as the occasion permits.

Create a baseline of where you are expending your emotional energy now. Draw a four-box grid, labeling the two right boxes as positive emotions and the two left as negative emotions. Mark the lower two boxes as low-energy emotions and the upper two boxes as high-energy emotions. Recall the day’s events, activities and interactions. For each, identify your emotion and write the emotion in the appropriate box on the grid, noting how long you were in the emotion. For example, hesitant would lie in the lower left box while anger would lie in the upper left box. Excited would lie in the upper right box and peaceful in the lower right box. Annoyed, depending on your level of annoyance, would lie somewhere in the left two boxes.

When you finish you will have an emotional map of your day. You were in the zone of peak performance if the frequency and duration of your emotions lie on the right side of the grid. You are in a stress zone if they lie on the left side. As you develop your EI skills, periodically recreate this map. Over time you will want to see yourself more frequently in the two right quadrants by choosing to transform negative emotions into positive, productive emotions.

Training Resource: Studies have revealed that leaders with high EI (or emotional intelligence) are typically star performers. CRM Learning’s Emotional Intelligence program shows how individuals can develop strengths in five emotional intelligence competencies.

About the Author:
Specializing in the area of Emotional Intelligence skill-building, Byron Stock is devoted to making work a place where people flourish and productivity improves. Typical improvements in personal goals range from 30% to 50%. To learn about Byron’s quick, simple, proven techniques to harness the power of your EI, visit www.ByronStock.com.

Read more: http://www.articlesnatch.com/Article/Emotional-Intelligence—Emotional-Self-awareness—The-First-Step/434847

People want to be productive and happy at work, but instead feel emotionally trapped. We have all had experiences with co-workers who drive us crazy. We get drawn into their personal problems, bad work habits, and irritating behaviors.

These situations drain our souls and harm our organizations, because the strength of an organization is in its employees. When there are problems in the workplace, it will affect the bottom line sooner or later.

What are some of the outcomes or consequences of unhealthy relationships at work?

• Employees don’t enjoy going to work

• People feel overwhelmed or disrespected on the job

• Tardiness, absenteeism, sick leave

• Reduced productivity or work quality

• Mental replay of conversations or interactions; inability to “get over it”

• Fatigue, illness, exhaustion

• Headaches, tension, stress

While handling workplace conflict is a multifaceted process, the first step you should take when you become frustrated – BEFORE you address the other person – is to calm down physically.

It’s a fact that when you are angry or upset, physical activity can often help you calm down and see the situation more objectively. It doesn’t have to be a 30-minute run – any type of physical movement can help you relax and think. Taking a physical break can often defuse your frustration and put you in a better position to think about the situation.

As an example, think about a time when you attended a meeting and something was said that upset you. What was your response? Did you become angry and then “check out” mentally? That’s a coping mechanism, but not one that offers you control. Deep breathing to calm yourself and release a little anger can help you check back into the meeting and respond objectively. Some other ideas for helping you physically calm down before dealing with a workplace conflict: 

• Deep breathing

• Walk the hallway

• Step outside and enjoy the weather

• Splash cold water on your face

• Count to ten

Once you have gained control of your body and mind, you can more clearly think about the conflict situation and how to address your concerns with the other person.

Excerpted from the Leader’s Guide to the video program Working With You is Killing Me.

Training Resource: Working With You is Killing Me offers practical advice on how to “unhook” from emotional traps at work and save yourself from needless stress.

Common communication tools used in collaboration are: active listening, questioning that reveals a willingness to understand (such as “What is it about this situation that bothers you the most?”), expressing your own concerns without being overly emotional, sticking to the issue at hand and taking responsibility for your role in the conflict.

Here is a quick role play activity you can use to help people practice using collaboration as a conflict resolution method.

Group Activity: Collaborating (35 minutes)

1) Before the exercise, prepare envelopes for each pair of participants. On the outside of the envelope, write a conflict situation that could conceivably occur within an organization (or within your organization, specifically). Inside the envelope, place two slips of paper. On Slip #1, list a job description for Employee #1, as well as an underlying concern for them in the conflict. On Slip #2, list a job description for Employee #2, as well as an underlying concern for them in the conflict.

2) Remind the participants that the skills of active listening and open communication play a key role in helping to uncover underlying concerns in a conflict.

3) State that the goal of the role playing exercise is to get the other party to move past his or her position, and into collaboration. To achieve that, they will need to discover the concerns that are fueling the conflict.

4) Ask the participants to pair up for the role playing exercise. Then pass out the envelopes that you have prepared ahead of the session. Before they begin, ask them to reflect on their positions. They should think about the level of assertiveness they need to bring in defending their position and how willing they will be to cooperate when it comes to meeting the other person’s needs.

5) Have the group begin the role playing exercise. Set a time limit of 15 minutes.

6) After the role playing is completed, ask the group to discuss their experiences. Were they able to identify the position of the other party? Were they able to reveal the underlying concerns? How? Were they successful in moving toward a collaboration? Why or why not?

Excerpted from the Leader’s Guide for the CRM Learning video, Dealing With Conflict.

Training Resource: Dealing with Conflict shows why “collaboration” – which includes getting to the heart of what’s most important to the other party — is typically your best conflict resolution strategy.

1. I’m the newest member of the group.  I haven’t earned my voice at the table yet.

2. I don’t care enough about the issue under discussion to risk offending anyone.  It’s more important to me to avoid making waves.

3. I care a lot about this issue, but I care more about keeping my job.  I’m going to keep my mouth shut!

4. If I express my real opinions on this issue, someone will give me an extra assignment, or put me in charge of finding alternatives.

5. I’m not the expert.  Why would I know more about this than the rest of those sitting at the table?

6. I shouldn’t be at this meeting in the first place.  Who put me on the distribution list, anyway?

7. We’ve been through this a dozen times.  I’m tired of it.  Let’s decide something—anything—and just move on.

8. The project sponsor has put so much effort into this proposal, I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

9. I have reservations about this decision, but if it moves ahead as is, there’s a good chance I can get that part-time assistant I need.

10. Everyone at this table remembers the last time I voiced a concern.  It created all kinds of implementation delays and then turned out to be a non-issue.

11. It’s really up to my boss.  That’s why they pay her the big bucks.

12. Am I the only one awake at this meeting?  I wish the others would learn to participate and be more accountable for decisions that impact that impact their departments.

13. Whatever.  (as in, what-EH-ver).

14. It would be better if we studied this more, but I suppose you could say that about any decision.  I’m not going to mention it.

15. I’m good with details.  But, right now, no one in this room wants to hear about MY problems or concerns with the details.  I’ll wait until later.

To make this a training activity:

Put the list above on a handout for each team member.

Have each participant pick their 3 favorite “excuses” from the list, by circling the numbers of the three statements with which they most identify.  Note:  Encourage participants to be completely honest.  Assure them they will not need to verbally share their responses with anyone.  They do not need to put their name on the handout.

Ask each person to jot down, on a separate piece of paper, the numbers they circled on the handout and then have them pass the handout back to you.

Write the numbers 1 – 15 on a flip chart or white board and use tally marks as a volunteer reads the choices from each handout.  (You may want to take a session break while you tally the responses.)

Construct the group’s Top 5 List by recording the number of selections for Reason #1, Reason #2, etc.  Circle the five most frequently noted reasons.

Review the list, starting with #5 and working toward #1 (the most often cited).  If you have time constraints, focus on the top three reasons.  Ask the group for comments about these tendencies.

Present the following alternatives as a way to counter the reluctance we all can feel about sharing our true opinions, knowledge and feelings in a group decision-making situation.

• Calculate the real risks (both to yourself and to the organization) of speaking up, or not speaking up.  Are your expectations of what will happen if you speak out against a decision realistic or have you exaggerated them in your mind? Think about the consequences to the team or organization if the decision does, indeed, turn out to be flawed.  How will you feel if that happens?

• Confront your fear of separation.  As humans, we sometimes fear that presenting an opinion contrary to what others are saying will be label us a “non-team player” and/or cause us to be alienated from the group. Ask yourself this question: would you rather be liked by your fellow team members or valued for what you contribute.  You stand to make the biggest impact on your team’s success when you honestly share your knowledge, opinions and experiences.

• As a group, work together to make sure people are properly prepared for meetings and that your group maintains a climate of open participation.  What needs to change about what happens before meetings so that people come prepared to discuss the pro’s and con’s of an issue/decision?  What can you do differently during meetings to encourage everyone’s involvement and to make it safe for people to speak up?

*Excerpted from the CRM Learning program, The Abilene Paradox, Second Edition.

Need more help in this area? CRM Learning’s all time best-selling video program, The Abilene Paradox, shows how group decisions get derailed when group members are not honest with their input. Viewers are given a number of tips for helping groups avoid “false consensus”.