People want to be productive and happy at work, but instead feel emotionally trapped. We have all had experiences with co-workers who drive us crazy. We get drawn into their personal problems, bad work habits, and irritating behaviors.

These situations drain our souls and harm our organizations, because the strength of an organization is in its employees. When there are problems in the workplace, it will affect the bottom line sooner or later.

What are some of the outcomes or consequences of unhealthy relationships at work?

• Employees don’t enjoy going to work

• People feel overwhelmed or disrespected on the job

• Tardiness, absenteeism, sick leave

• Reduced productivity or work quality

• Mental replay of conversations or interactions; inability to “get over it”

• Fatigue, illness, exhaustion

• Headaches, tension, stress

While handling workplace conflict is a multifaceted process, the first step you should take when you become frustrated – BEFORE you address the other person – is to calm down physically.

It’s a fact that when you are angry or upset, physical activity can often help you calm down and see the situation more objectively. It doesn’t have to be a 30-minute run – any type of physical movement can help you relax and think. Taking a physical break can often defuse your frustration and put you in a better position to think about the situation.

As an example, think about a time when you attended a meeting and something was said that upset you. What was your response? Did you become angry and then “check out” mentally? That’s a coping mechanism, but not one that offers you control. Deep breathing to calm yourself and release a little anger can help you check back into the meeting and respond objectively. Some other ideas for helping you physically calm down before dealing with a workplace conflict: 

• Deep breathing

• Walk the hallway

• Step outside and enjoy the weather

• Splash cold water on your face

• Count to ten

Once you have gained control of your body and mind, you can more clearly think about the conflict situation and how to address your concerns with the other person.

Excerpted from the Leader’s Guide to the video program Working With You is Killing Me.

Training Resource: Working With You is Killing Me offers practical advice on how to “unhook” from emotional traps at work and save yourself from needless stress.

“Balance is not about calculating the right equation of time and effort,” says the Center for Creative Leadership’s Gordon Patterson. “It is about having clarity about what matters to you and making sure you are taking care of those things consistently.”

People whose lives are out of balance — whose work life has taken too prominent a role — have similar experiences. Some of the warning signs that your life is out of balance include:

• You have conversations with yourself in which you say “I’ve got to make more time for my significant other.”
• You hear yourself telling others that you really wish you had time to do certain things you just don’t get done now.
• Your relationships with your colleagues are less fun, less productive and less easy-going than they used to be. From your point of view, your direct reports should be far more serious about work than they are.
• You think that your family should appreciate you more than they do. They don’t realize how hard you work for them.
• You take your perfectionist and “type A” personality for granted and have not really even thought about altering your behavior.
• You’re good — you can multitask like there’s no tomorrow. People continually marvel at how you can “do it all.” They think you are superhuman.
• You pause mentally to put on your armor and to psych yourself up each day when you come through the front door of your office.
• You want to appear interested when your direct reports tell you about their newborn children, but you don’t want them to conclude that their job responsibilities are any less important just because they’ve become parents.

“If any of these descriptions resonate with you, it may be time to reassess what you’re doing, why you are doing it and explore what your balance looks like to you,” says Patterson.

You may find you are feeling more balanced when you:

• Accept that your needs and expectations have changed over the years and will continue to change.
• Are able to make a temporary choice to place one aspect of your life ahead of another, knowing that other things will be tended to in time and you ensure that “temporary” does not become permanent neglect of other important things.
• Embrace the presence of creative tension in your life. Balance does not mean easy or perfect.
• Stop blaming your struggles with balance on other people, organizations and institutions.
• Choose how to use your resources — what to do with your time, energy and passion.

Less Can Be More

Don’t assume that putting in fewer hours on the job will cause your work to suffer. In fact, time and energy spent off-the-job can enhance your productivity and your capacity to deal with work challenges. Shifting the mix of work and non-work hours can teach you:

Strength in vulnerability. Recognize that you can’t do everything and learn to ask for help. Leaders who successfully balance competing demands in all aspects of their lives freely admit their vulnerabilities and frequently are admired and respected for doing so. It makes them seem more human and more approachable.

The upside of limits. When facing a tough challenge or a huge to-do list, human nature urges you to push harder and work more hours. While it may seem counterintuitive to stop, ease back or even shift focus, that’s exactly what you may need to do. If you’re working late at the office – fourteen hours a day, day in and day out – you are tricked into thinking that your efficiency is being maximized by your intense work efforts. In fact, leaving early a few nights a week or delegating more may be the better solution. By setting limits, you are better able to distinguish when you really do need to push and when to step back and regroup.

The benefit of recharging. Our capacity to work is not boundless, although we sometimes appear to believe otherwise. Building in enough time to relax and recharge as we work is critical for clear and creative thinking, strong relationships and good health.

Gordon Patterson is a CCL Senior Program Associate.

Content reprinted with permission from  Finding Your Balance, by Joan Gurvis and Gordon Patterson, Copyright © 2004 Center for Creative Leadership

A social wellness world view adheres to two fundamental truths:
• It is better to contribute to the common welfare of our community than to think only of ourselves.
• It is better to live in harmony with others and our environment than to live in conflict with them.

If you are a person engaged in the process of social wellness, you see the value in living in harmony with your fellow human beings, seeking positive, interdependent relationships with others, and developing healthy behaviors. You are also willing to actively seek out ways to preserve the beauty and balance of nature and the community.

The Path to Social Wellness
The path to social wellness may involve becoming more aware of your importance in society as well as the impact you have on multiple environments. The path may also involve taking an active part in improving our world by encouraging healthier living and initiating better communication with those around you.

Are you engaged in the process of social wellness?
Evaluate your own social wellness with this brief quiz.

1. Do I plan time to be with my family and friends?
2. Do I enjoy the time I spend with others?
3. Are my relationships with others are positive and rewarding?
4. Do I explore diversity by interacting with people of other cultures, backgrounds, and beliefs?

If you answered “No” to any of the questions, it may indicate an area where you need to improve the state of your social wellness.

Know the signals. Learn to pay attention to your body’s response to stress. What triggers a feeling of stress and what are your physiological responses? Do you feel your heart rate going up? Do you get hot? Do you clench your jaw? Get a headache? The sooner you recognize that your body is going into stress, the sooner you can do something to manage it.

Create a ritual. Make it a habit to have a stress break. For example, every 90 minutes get up from your desk and walk around or get out for some fresh air. Do some deep breathing, shoulder shrugs, or just close your eyes for one minute. Taking a mental or physical break is an important strategy for dealing with day-to-day stress. When things are extra stressful, you can rely on these same tactics to get you through.

Get away. Find effective ways to set boundaries between work and home life. Whatever works for you – listening to music on the commute home, turning off the cell phone and email during personal or family time, participating in a social activity or hobby – make time for it and keep your commitment to having a life outside of work.

Focus on fitness. A regular exercise program is the best way to minimize the negative health outcomes associated with the demands of the job. Under stress we build up certain hormones; exercise dissipates some of that. Make a commitment to exercising at least 30 minutes twice a week. Also, incorporate healthy practices such as adding more fruits and vegetables to your diet while reducing added sugars, fat and sodium.

Build a support system. Ask for help. Build a network of people who can assist you and alleviate some stress. Acknowledging that you are particularly stressed can ease the strain a bit, too. Other ideas include getting a coach to help you organize and prioritize your life. Or create your personal Board of Directors: a support group that will help you cope with stress and leadership. Ask a diverse group (peers, your boss, a family member and a trusted friend) to work with you to understand your goals around managing stress and help you stay on track.

Re-group on the task. When dealing with stress from task demands (as opposed to relationship challenges) one of the best strategies is to look for ways to organize and streamline your work. Planning, organizing and prioritizing appear to be effective ways to manage task-related stress. Defining roles and clarifying expectations, managing a project schedule and completing tasks ahead of deadline are other strategies. Gaining focus may reduce stress during a task as well as before a new task is started.

Recover. Do more in less time by practicing the art of recovery. Athletes have long understood that pushing oneself hard at 100 percent capacity, 100 percent of the time, results in little or no long-term gains in performance. Building in enough time to relax and recharge is critical for clear and creative thinking, strong relationships and good health. Make sure that throughout the day you are allowing yourself real and frequent breaks – at least a 10-minute break every 90 minutes. And leave the job behind: time and energy spent off-the-job can enhance your productivity and your capacity to deal with work challenges.

Re-define balance. Forget the idea of balance as finally having equal or sufficient time for everything: career, family, friends, community and leisure pursuits. Instead, start making clear choices that support your core values. Life balance is complex, not really something we can ever hope to accomplish. Demands and interests change over time, and what felt like balance at one point quickly becomes outdated. But if your life reflects who you are and what you value, you will feel more in balance – even when there isn’t enough time.

How Leaders Cope
Leaders deal with the negative effects of stress in a number of ways:

• Physical exercise is the most commonly cited method leaders use to manage stress.

• More than 90 percent of leaders cite that they manage stress by temporarily removing themselves, either physically or mentally, from the source of their stress.

• Most leaders use a variety of sensory or physical activities to manage stress: exercise, outdoor hobbies, music, games, television, etc.

• Stress caused by job responsibilities and decision making is often managed by finding ways to gain focus and perspective on the challenge: planning, project management, clarification.

Reprinted with permission from the Center for Creative Leadership, www.ccl.org

“We’ve known for years that people gain huge health benefits when they exercise. What is even more interesting from a leadership perspective is that organizations stand to gain when their leaders are physically fit,” says the Center for Creative Leadership’s Sharon McDowell-Larsen. Recent research from CCL shows that regular exercise and effective leadership go hand-in-hand. Leaders who exercise regularly were rated significantly higher by their bosses, peers and direct reports on their leadership effectiveness than the non-exercisers. Time invested in regular exercise, even if it means spending less time at work, is correlated with higher – not lower – ratings of leadership effectiveness. It seems that a healthy lifestyle can help executives to better cope with the stresses and demands of their positions, thus ultimately increasing their leadership effectiveness.

Staying healthy during times of stress requires either reducing the strain or boosting one’s ability to weather its effects. If you can find ways to reduce the external pressures that cause stress and overload, that’s ideal. Meanwhile, improve your mental and physical ability to process stress by establishing a regular exercise program and other healthy habits. The University of Iowa reports that regular exercise not only reduces stress but also can help leaders reduce anxiety, improve sleep and boost immunity from colds and flu. Exercise also helps to lower blood pressure and cholesterol.

“The key message here is that leaders should not give up exercise time in favor of work time,” says McDowell-Larsen. “At the end of the day, you and your organization will be better off if you commit to your good health.”

Counteract Stress with Exercise
The best way to counter many of the negative health outcomes associated with the demands of the job is to maintain a regular exercise program.

Here are her tips for making exercise a way of life:

• Do less, more often. Short bouts of moderate exercise performed daily are better for maintaining energy and boosting performance than an hour performed only on the weekends.

• Break up the day. Find little ways to increase your activity throughout the day: walk while talking on the mobile phone, take frequent stretch breaks, park at the far end of the lot, and take the stairs.

• Keep track. Log your workouts: what you did and for how long. You’ll be able to track progress, set goals and stay motivated.

• Take it on the road. Book hotels with fitness facilities or health club access. Pack a set of stretch cords for resistance training, a pair of running shoes and a swimsuit.

• Be flexible. Take advantage of an open slot in your calendar whenever it appears. If someone else keeps your calendar, have him or her schedule workouts for you.

• Mix it up. While your stationary bike or treadmill may be convenient, you’re likely to get bored eventually. When the weather is nice, go outdoors. Play a sport or a game of tag. Try a new exercise class. Go dancing.

You may feel awkward doing stretching exercises at your desk. But right now, as you sit there at your computer, you are doing one of the worst things you can do to your body — you’re sitting still. And not only that, but the way you sit — and type, and hold the phone — may be wreaking havoc on your bones, joints, and muscles.

“People who sit at their computers for hours every day — they’re in for serious medical problems,” says Sharon Hame, MD, associate clinical professor at UCLA’s department of orthopedic surgery. “We’re seeing more things than carpal tunnel; those pains go up the arm to the elbow and shoulder and then translate to the neck and back. It’s a huge problem.”

In addition to carpal tunnel and other traditional ergonomic issues, new problems are cropping up, Hame says. “I saw a woman yesterday who had tennis elbow. She got it at work from the way she answered the phone and worked at the computer.” The solution, experts say, is to break up your work by doing stretching exercises at your desk.

Relieve Back Pain With Stretching Exercises at Your Desk
Aches and pains, not to mention the weight gain that can result from hunching over your desk all day, are just the beginning. “People shouldn’t be complacent about moving just because they’re not obese,” says Angela Smith, MD, orthopedic surgeon at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and former president of the American College of Sports Medicine. “There are a lot of skinny people who, because they don’t exercise for strength and balance, are osteoporotic fractures waiting to happen.”

So what can you do to ward off pain and stiffness and boost your energy and alertness? WebMD consulted orthopedic surgeons and exercise specialists for 12 simple stretching exercises at your desk that will release tension from head to toe. They take only a few minutes. Set the alarm on your cell phone or computer to go off every hour to remind you it’s time to get up and stretch.

Stretching Exercises at Your Desk: 12 Simple Tips

1. Just stand up and sit down — no hands
You might have gotten a gold star in preschool for sitting still, but it just goes to show you (best sellers not withstanding) that not all of us learned everything we need to know in kindergarten. “If you stand up and sit down (over and over) — without using your hands — it can be a challenge,” says Smith. “Do it while you’re on the phone; no one will know.”

2. Substitute exercise for sitting — while you work
- Get rid of your desk chair and substitute an exercise ball, suggests Smith. “I used it for a while when I was having low-back problems; it was great,” Smith says. “All day you are engaging all the muscles in the back, legs, butt, everything, to stay balanced.
- Hame knows one man who put a treadmill in his office and conducted all his business while walking. (He lost weight, too, Hame says

3. Shrug your shoulders — to release the neck and shoulders
- Inhale deeply and shrug your shoulders, lifting them high up to your ears. Hold. Release and drop. Repeat three times.
- Shake your head slowly, yes and no. You might as well amuse yourself while you do it to relax even further. Ask yourself silly questions: “Is your boss an idiot?” Move your head up and down, “Yes, yes, yes.” Side to side: “No. No. No.” (Shedding tension is as much mental as physical.)

4. Loosen the hands with air circles
- Clench both fists, stretching both hands out in front of you.
- Make circles in the air, first in one direction, to the count of ten.
- Then reverse the circles.
- Shake out the hands.

5. Point your fingers — good for hands, wrist, and forearms
- Stretch your left hand out in front of you, pointing fingers toward the floor. Use your right hand to increase the stretch, pushing your fingers down and toward the body. Be gentle.
- Do the same with the other hand.
- Now stretch your left hand out straight in front, wrist bent, with fingers pointing skyward. Use your right hand to increase the stretch, pulling the fingers back toward your body.
- Do the same on the other side.

6. Release the upper body with a torso twist
- Inhale and as you exhale, turn to the right and grab the back of your chair with your right hand, and grab the arm of the chair with your left.
- With eyes level, use your grasp on the chair to help twist your torso around as far to the back of the room as possible. Hold the twist and let your eyes continue the stretch — see how far around the room you can peer.
- Slowly come back to facing forward.
- Repeat on the other side.

7. Do leg extensions — work the abs and legs
- Grab the seat of your chair to brace yourself and extend your legs straight out in front of you so they are parallel to the floor.
- Flex and point your toes five times. Release.
- Repeat.

8. Stretch your back with a “big hug”
- Hug your body, placing the right hand on your left shoulder and the left hand on your right shoulder.
- Breathe in and out, releasing the area between your shoulder blades.

9. Cross your arms — for the shoulders and upper back
- Extend one arm out straight in front of you. With the other hand, grab the elbow of the outstretched arm and pull it across your chest, stretching your shoulder and upper back muscles.
- Hold. Release.
- Stretch out the other arm in front of you — repeat.

10. Stretch your back and shoulders with a “leg hug”
- Sit on the edge of your chair (if it has wheels, wedge the chair against the desk or wall to make sure it does not roll). Put your feet together, flat on the floor.
- Lean over, chest to knees, letting your arms dangle loosely to the floor. Release your neck.
- Now bring your hands behind your legs, right hand grasping left wrist, forearm (or elbow if you can reach that far), left hand grasping the right. Feel the stretch in your back, shoulders and neck. Hold.
- Release your hands to the floor again.
- Repeat three times or as often as it feels good.

11. Look up to release upper body
- Sit up tall in your chair, or stand up. Stretch your arms overhead and interlock your fingers.
- Turn the palms to the ceiling as you lift your chin up, tilt your head back, and gaze up at the ceiling, too.
- Inhale, exhale, release.

12. Substitute walks for email — and don’t eat at your desk
- Instead of emailing a colleague “and copying 25 people who don’t want to be copied anyway,” Smith says, “walk over to the colleague you really want to talk to.” Instead of a lunch meeting at you desk, walk together to a neighborhood sandwich shop. “Talk while you walk — it’s more efficient and productive,” Smith says. “You’re getting more oxygen to the brain, you have no distractions, and you’re more likely to remember what is said.”

Reprinted with permission from WebMD. Copyright 2007.