For all the buzz about balance, why is it that so few people say they have it? What should balance be like? What is the difference between ‘out of balance’ and just plain busy?

“Balance is not about calculating the right equation of time and effort,” says the Center for Creative Leadership’s Gordon Patterson. “It is about having clarity about what matters to you and making sure you are taking care of those things consistently.”

People whose lives are out of balance — whose work life has taken too prominent a role — have similar experiences. Some of the warning signs that your life is out of balance include:

• You have conversations with yourself in which you say “I’ve got to make more time for my significant other.”
• You hear yourself telling others that you really wish you had time to do certain things you just don’t get done now.
• Your relationships with your colleagues are less fun, less productive and less easy-going than they used to be. From your point of view, your direct reports should be far more serious about work than they are.
• You think that your family should appreciate you more than they do. They don’t realize how hard you work for them.
• You take your perfectionist and “type A” personality for granted and have not really even thought about altering your behavior.
• You’re good — you can multitask like there’s no tomorrow. People continually marvel at how you can “do it all.” They think you are superhuman.
• You pause mentally to put on your armor and to psych yourself up each day when you come through the front door of your office.
• You want to appear interested when your direct reports tell you about their newborn children, but you don’t want them to conclude that their job responsibilities are any less important just because they’ve become parents.

“If any of these descriptions resonate with you, it may be time to reassess what you’re doing, why you are doing it and explore what your balance looks like to you,” says Patterson.

You may find you are feeling more balanced when you:

• Accept that your needs and expectations have changed over the years and will continue to change.
• Are able to make a temporary choice to place one aspect of your life ahead of another, knowing that other things will be tended to in time and you ensure that “temporary” does not become permanent neglect of other important things.
• Embrace the presence of creative tension in your life. Balance does not mean easy or perfect.
• Stop blaming your struggles with balance on other people, organizations and institutions.
• Choose how to use your resources — what to do with your time, energy and passion.

Less Can Be More

Don’t assume that putting in fewer hours on the job will cause your work to suffer. In fact, time and energy spent off-the-job can enhance your productivity and your capacity to deal with work challenges. Shifting the mix of work and non-work hours can teach you:

Strength in vulnerability. Recognize that you can’t do everything and learn to ask for help. Leaders who successfully balance competing demands in all aspects of their lives freely admit their vulnerabilities and frequently are admired and respected for doing so. It makes them seem more human and more approachable.

The upside of limits. When facing a tough challenge or a huge to-do list, human nature urges you to push harder and work more hours. While it may seem counterintuitive to stop, ease back or even shift focus, that’s exactly what you may need to do. If you’re working late at the office – fourteen hours a day, day in and day out – you are tricked into thinking that your efficiency is being maximized by your intense work efforts. In fact, leaving early a few nights a week or delegating more may be the better solution. By setting limits, you are better able to distinguish when you really do need to push and when to step back and regroup.

The benefit of recharging. Our capacity to work is not boundless, although we sometimes appear to believe otherwise. Building in enough time to relax and recharge as we work is critical for clear and creative thinking, strong relationships and good health.

Gordon Patterson is a CCL Senior Program Associate.

Content reprinted with permission from  Finding Your Balance, by Joan Gurvis and Gordon Patterson, Copyright © 2004 Center for Creative Leadership

Social wellness endows us with the ability to be outgoing, confident, friendly and affectionate toward others. The social wellness philosophy encompasses both a concern for the individual as well as all of humanity and the environment we live in.  This “social lens’’ is a different way to approach problems and contribute to your environment and community. It emphasizes the interdependence between us and nature. The socially well person has a network of friends and family he or she can turn to for support, validation and sharing of life experiences. These relationships are based on interdependence (rather than codependence), mutual trust and respect, equity of power and cultural competence.

A social wellness world view adheres to two fundamental truths:
• It is better to contribute to the common welfare of our community than to think only of ourselves.
• It is better to live in harmony with others and our environment than to live in conflict with them.

If you are a person engaged in the process of social wellness, you see the value in living in harmony with your fellow human beings, seeking positive, interdependent relationships with others, and developing healthy behaviors. You are also willing to actively seek out ways to preserve the beauty and balance of nature and the community.

The Path to Social Wellness
The path to social wellness may involve becoming more aware of your importance in society as well as the impact you have on multiple environments. The path may also involve taking an active part in improving our world by encouraging healthier living and initiating better communication with those around you.

Are you engaged in the process of social wellness?
Evaluate your own social wellness with this brief quiz.

1. Do I plan time to be with my family and friends?
2. Do I enjoy the time I spend with others?
3. Are my relationships with others are positive and rewarding?
4. Do I explore diversity by interacting with people of other cultures, backgrounds, and beliefs?

If you answered “No” to any of the questions, it may indicate an area where you need to improve the state of your social wellness.

What can leaders do to better manage stress? Here are a few tips and tools from a team of experts from the Center for Creative Leadership: Vidula Bal, Michael Campbell, Joan Gurvis and Sharon McDowell-Larsen.

Know the signals. Learn to pay attention to your body’s response to stress. What triggers a feeling of stress and what are your physiological responses? Do you feel your heart rate going up? Do you get hot? Do you clench your jaw? Get a headache? The sooner you recognize that your body is going into stress, the sooner you can do something to manage it.

Create a ritual. Make it a habit to have a stress break. For example, every 90 minutes get up from your desk and walk around or get out for some fresh air. Do some deep breathing, shoulder shrugs, or just close your eyes for one minute. Taking a mental or physical break is an important strategy for dealing with day-to-day stress. When things are extra stressful, you can rely on these same tactics to get you through.

Get away. Find effective ways to set boundaries between work and home life. Whatever works for you – listening to music on the commute home, turning off the cell phone and email during personal or family time, participating in a social activity or hobby – make time for it and keep your commitment to having a life outside of work.

Focus on fitness. A regular exercise program is the best way to minimize the negative health outcomes associated with the demands of the job. Under stress we build up certain hormones; exercise dissipates some of that. Make a commitment to exercising at least 30 minutes twice a week. Also, incorporate healthy practices such as adding more fruits and vegetables to your diet while reducing added sugars, fat and sodium.

Build a support system. Ask for help. Build a network of people who can assist you and alleviate some stress. Acknowledging that you are particularly stressed can ease the strain a bit, too. Other ideas include getting a coach to help you organize and prioritize your life. Or create your personal Board of Directors: a support group that will help you cope with stress and leadership. Ask a diverse group (peers, your boss, a family member and a trusted friend) to work with you to understand your goals around managing stress and help you stay on track.

Re-group on the task. When dealing with stress from task demands (as opposed to relationship challenges) one of the best strategies is to look for ways to organize and streamline your work. Planning, organizing and prioritizing appear to be effective ways to manage task-related stress. Defining roles and clarifying expectations, managing a project schedule and completing tasks ahead of deadline are other strategies. Gaining focus may reduce stress during a task as well as before a new task is started.

Recover. Do more in less time by practicing the art of recovery. Athletes have long understood that pushing oneself hard at 100 percent capacity, 100 percent of the time, results in little or no long-term gains in performance. Building in enough time to relax and recharge is critical for clear and creative thinking, strong relationships and good health. Make sure that throughout the day you are allowing yourself real and frequent breaks – at least a 10-minute break every 90 minutes. And leave the job behind: time and energy spent off-the-job can enhance your productivity and your capacity to deal with work challenges.

Re-define balance. Forget the idea of balance as finally having equal or sufficient time for everything: career, family, friends, community and leisure pursuits. Instead, start making clear choices that support your core values. Life balance is complex, not really something we can ever hope to accomplish. Demands and interests change over time, and what felt like balance at one point quickly becomes outdated. But if your life reflects who you are and what you value, you will feel more in balance – even when there isn’t enough time.

How Leaders Cope
Leaders deal with the negative effects of stress in a number of ways:

• Physical exercise is the most commonly cited method leaders use to manage stress.

• More than 90 percent of leaders cite that they manage stress by temporarily removing themselves, either physically or mentally, from the source of their stress.

• Most leaders use a variety of sensory or physical activities to manage stress: exercise, outdoor hobbies, music, games, television, etc.

• Stress caused by job responsibilities and decision making is often managed by finding ways to gain focus and perspective on the challenge: planning, project management, clarification.

Reprinted with permission from the Center for Creative Leadership, www.ccl.org